Healing from the heart

On Thursday evening I attended a presentation by two extraordinary people from Sierra Leone. Paramount Chief Alfred Banya who is the Chair of Fambul Tok’s Moyamba District Executive Committee and his sister, Micheala Ashwood who is the National Coordinator of Fambul Tok’s growing network of peace mothers’ groups.

They told a remarkable story about how the slow process of rebuilding fractured communities after the civil war is being supported by the simple act of storytelling around a bonfire. ‘Holding the space so people can talk.”

Of course, it is not a process that guarantees success, but successful it is by any measure.

It reminded me how important it is for all human beings to have the chance to tell their story of how the dispute has affected them. In a moving video presentation, people maimed and bereft of family and friends as a result of the atrocities carried out by their neighbours and family members were able to forgive, if not forget. Storytelling can achieve that kind of reconciliation and there is a place for it in all disputes and conflict.

We shouldn’t lose sight of this and make the mediation process so focussed on money, legal merits or outcome that we forget the deeply human need to share stories of disappointment, betrayal, lost hope and humiliation with our fellow human beings, especially with those we feel need to know.

In the case of good books, the point is not how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you. -Mortimer J. Adler, philosopher, educator and author (1902-2001)

This summer I bought a Kindle: I succumbed only to reconcile the conflict between how many books I can read in two weeks and the weight of luggage allowed on most airlines! I loved it from the moment I unpacked it. More interestingly, my reading habits have changed. I didn’t expect that.

I am trying to decide whether I am more or less discerning about what I read. The jury is still out.

What I do know is that I can get hold of information that I need much more quickly and not just books. PDFs of articles and research papers can easily be turned into ‘Kindle ready documents’ via the free conversion service which is almost instant. Just email the pdf to your Kindle email address with ‘convert’ in the subject line.

However, the most compelling feature for me, which beats even the speed of delivery, is the clippings feature. I can mark a passage and that passage is saved in my clippings folder, fully referenced. This has not only added ease and efficiency to my work and writing, it has reduced my stress levels. Now, I can mark up ideas and organise them so that when I need them I can find them and I can include the proper attribution.

Making a proper attribution or giving credit for great work is deeply important to me. I know how hard it is to organise thoughts and write them down so they will stand scrutiny. I will hunt high and low for the part of the book which has influenced me – even if I have developed or reworked the idea. However, given the number of books and articles I read, it is sometimes a  struggle to remember where and by whom. I will include a book rather than leave it out, if I am not sure.

I write to encourage people to think more deeply about what we do and why we do it. I am deeply appreciative of those who have worked hard to clarify their own thoughts to the point that it has real relevance for me and I want to thank them. I do get fed up with people who partly rework my articles and research and don’t mention the contribution that I have or anyone else has made to their thinking or teaching.

I can’t do anything about the behaviour of others but I can make sure I am better at doing it myself.

Thanks Kindle.

The 4th CIArb Mediator Symposium is coming up on 19th October in London. Past events have been extremely popular because of the combination of thoughtful opinion, a choice of 6 practical workshops and networking.

This year I will be doing two workshops which are really focused on extending skills.

The first is The Myth of Reality Testing with Charles Middleton-Smith. The arises from a number of observations: the way in which we simplify things in the pursuit of ‘tools for the toolbox’ and misconstrue the intention: increased resistance from parties to what we call reality testing and the observation that mediations are taking longer to settle and it is tempting for mediators to use what we call reality testing with some force. I realise this is a ‘holy cow’ of mediation!

The second is Improvisation Skills for Mediators with Sartaj Garewal. I have written often on the relationship of mediation to jazz, music, photography and the benefit of adopting some of the approaches that musicians and actors learn to extend their skills. I was very fortunate to learn some of these skills from a master of improvisation, the late Ken Campbell. Sartaj Garewal is a popular actor who has also worked with me on other mediation projects. Concurrently with his acting commitments, he offers coaching in presentation and performance skills.

Here are the descriptions and if you are interested in attending, you can see the full programme here and you can register online here.

The Myth of Reality Testing:

This workshop proposes that reality testing as a means of engaging the parties in a desire to settle the case is a myth and that the approaches generally practised by mediators in the name of reality testing can undermine successful outcomes. Drawing on insights from practical experience and research in the fields of behavioural science, neuroscience and psychology, we explore the relevance of mediator skill and experience, commercial, economic and political contexts and how and why the pursuit of tools for the toolbox and techniques to be deployed has reduced reality testing to something which is increasingly counter-productive.

The workshop examines the proposition through examples and discussion. Participants will have the opportunity to complete exercises to develop their personal style for exploring assumptions and effective risk assessment.

Improvisation Skills for Mediators

Prepare, prepare, prepare! Have a plan, give the parties structure and always be at the ready to think of a new plan!

The only thing a mediator can be certain of is that the mediation day will be a day of uncertainty and surprises. Not all of them welcome.

The art of improvisation is extremely useful for mediators. It is the capacity to build on whatever is presented to you to keep momentum and maintain a safe environment. Looking “where you are going” and responding in the moment is the nature of improvisation. Leaning into uncertainty, managing your responses and maintaining equilibrium or ‘deliberate calm’ helps bring a feeling of comfort to the parties. That capacity is also the mark of an experienced mediator.

This workshop is predominantly ‘hands on’ to help you improve your skills and confidence: skills you can use tomorrow.

Amanda and Sartaj will reprise active listening, reframing and rapport building skills. The workshop offers you an opportunity to recalibrate and expand your understanding and effective practice of those skills, in the moment.

Guest post by Simon Howarth, Director of Teviot Associates Ltd

Earlier this year Simon attended the Foundation Commercial Mediation Skills training course which I teach with Charles Middleton-Smith at the Chartered Institute of Arbitrators in London.

One of the learning goals of the course is understanding how you can use your new skills ‘from tomorrow’ whilst you build and develop your mediation practice. We say that marketing and education for key business groups in your network is absolutely key. As part of his marketing and education programme, Simon produces a weekly ‘tip’ via email where he applies the mediation approach to areas relevant to his market. They are really good. So good, I asked Simon if he would post his latest tip here on my blog.

I once had occasion to take a photograph of one part of the chemical plant I was responsible for, whilst preparing for a site open day.  I then took a look at the photo whilst sitting in the office later that day and it’s fair to say I was less than impressed!

The photograph showed an extruder, a key piece of process equipment, which I looked at at least once a day as I walked through the plant.  What amazed me was how dirty, untidy and generally uncared for the equipment and it’s general area looked in the photograph.  As I examined the photo I realised that by viewing the extruder in this way, whilst sitting in my office, I was seeing it (or even looking at it) as a visitor might do when viewing it for the first time.  It certainly wasn’t the impression of our operation I wanted to give my friends and family, let alone the local community!

Needless to say, a review of the maintenance and housekeeping procedures associated with that area followed, however this made me think about the concept of ‘Visitors eyes’

In my mind Visitor’s eyes can be quite powerful in two distinct ways:

• As in the case above, they will see things that everyday familiarity either prevents us from seeing or makes us complacent to.  A different perspective can very often lead to a different awareness and a step change in performance.
• Alternatively they can bring our attention to things that we were completely unaware of.  Visitor’s eyes can often hold up the metaphorical mirror and provide feedback about things that to the outsider are quite obvious but to us are completely new information.  Armed with this new information we can decide to make important changes to the ‘status quo’.

To my mind the Visitor’s eye view, be it literal or metaphorical, will provide insights which can yield benefits to businesses when considering any of:-  Physical facilities, Business Processes, Personal Behaviours / Leadership style.

How could you or your business benefit from a pair of Visitor’s eyes?

Simon Howarth
Director

In the desire to ‘commercialise’ mediation, I feel we are at risk of cutting out the very things that make mediation work. I hear about mediators who have dispensed with the opening meeting and those who think it is always just about money. Sometimes they tell me that this is what the clients want (and which clients are they talking about, I wonder).

I heard a story recently from a very experienced mediator: On arriving at the mediation venue and greeting the barrister for one of the parties, he was presented with a precisely timed agenda right down to the moment when the settlement would be reached. Thankfully, he took no notice!

So as a reminder why people need time to tell their stories, and that mediators, parties and their lawyers need to remember why it is important, here is a wonderful and favourite poem:

Salamander from The Story of Alchemy and the Beginnings of Chemistry

A story is like water
that you heat for your bath.

It takes messages between the fire
and your skin, It lets them meet,
and it cleans you!

Very few can sit down
in the middle of the fire itself
like a salamander or Abraham.
We need intermediaries.

Jalāl ad-din Rumi (1207 – 1273)