Healing from the heart

On Thursday evening I attended a presentation by two extraordinary people from Sierra Leone. Paramount Chief Alfred Banya who is the Chair of Fambul Tok’s Moyamba District Executive Committee and his sister, Micheala Ashwood who is the National Coordinator of Fambul Tok’s growing network of peace mothers’ groups.

They told a remarkable story about how the slow process of rebuilding fractured communities after the civil war is being supported by the simple act of storytelling around a bonfire. ‘Holding the space so people can talk.”

Of course, it is not a process that guarantees success, but successful it is by any measure.

It reminded me how important it is for all human beings to have the chance to tell their story of how the dispute has affected them. In a moving video presentation, people maimed and bereft of family and friends as a result of the atrocities carried out by their neighbours and family members were able to forgive, if not forget. Storytelling can achieve that kind of reconciliation and there is a place for it in all disputes and conflict.

We shouldn’t lose sight of this and make the mediation process so focussed on money, legal merits or outcome that we forget the deeply human need to share stories of disappointment, betrayal, lost hope and humiliation with our fellow human beings, especially with those we feel need to know.

This reminds me of the positive power of our actions when our intentions are ignited by our values and they are equally shared by many others. To find out if others share your views – you have to take action. In this case the use of social media brought almost instant results – again!

Some of the images in the video are distressing. Clip from ITV News at 10 18 April 2011.

For those of you who have been looking forward to the next Cafe Mediate podcast – here it is! This edition is also a video podcast which you can watch below or at Jeff’s website . You will find the audio version at it’s usual home on iTunes.

With Jeff Thompson and Amanda Bucklow

In this episode of the Cafe Mediate podcast, Amanda Bucklow and Jeff Thompson talk about recent and upcoming developments in Europe and the USA concerning the mandatory use of mediation prior to litigation and explore the implications for the development of mediation generally.

With a happy nod to the festive season, Jeff and Amanda offer their ideas on the perfect holiday gift for a mediator.

For the mediator who has everything...

Here are the details of Jeff’s ideas.

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Click the images to go to the websites to purchase the books.

Three Cups of Tea
by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin

Three Cups of Tea

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Discernment by the Venerable Yifa published by Lantern Books. Jeff has written a review of the book which can be found on Mediate.com

Discernment

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ABCs of Conflict Resolution by Victoria Pynchon

ABCs of Conflict Resolution

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The No Asshole Rule by Robert I. Sutton

The No Asshole Rule

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A brand new iPad

A brand new iPad

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A wireless headset so you don’t get pulled over by NYPD or any other PD for that matter! Jeff says he won’t be able to get you out of that mess.

Hands free headset

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Or try this rather amazing one from Jabra

Jabra Stone Bluetooth Headset

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Amanda's Letter to Santa

Amanda’s gift ideas

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Heartmath – emWave^®

emWave® for Mac and PC

This is a marvelous piece of software for developing strategies to deal with stress and build resilience. Based on scientific research and used by many professionals in many sectors. For more on the science.

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Moleskine® notebooks – I use these for all my mediations. Turn them one way for Party A and upside down for Party B

Moleskine® Notebook

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And the ultimate gift for any mediator has to be…

A 'proper' crystal ball!

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What is you ideal gift?

What is your ideal gift? It can be for yourself or for a fellow mediator. We would love to hear what they are. Do post your ideas in the comments box below.

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For more about the judgment in the Italian case about whether the obligation to mediate before starting court proceedings is in breach of Article 6 of the European Convention on Human Rights, you can read the judgment here.

To read a copy of the recent Report on Alternative Dispute Resolution: Mediation and Conciliation LRC 98-2010 in Ireland which can be summarised thus:

The report recommends that legislation be enacted setting out framework for mediation and conciliation, including key principles such as; they are voluntary processes; the parties control them; confidentiality of the processes is required; and their quality must be assured by clearly stated standards.

By the way, I lied about the number of pages! It is only 247 not 267

There are times when you just don’t feel inspired to write. I have had a patch like that and so my blog has been a bit thin for new material.  Then I reconnected with someone I admire.

About 5 years ago I went to an evening seminar in London given by a guy name Nic Askew. I had come across a video of his on the web somewhere and really liked his unique way of making short films which brought out the real essence of a person. His style is both intense and gentle at the same time.  I can’t remember what made me decide to go – curiosity most likely since I am almost terminally curious!

Through his interviewing, camera and editing and his guitar playing, Nic brings an interesting tone to his film making. I hired him to do a video and it was very good. We lost touch but I found him again and he told me that he had moved to the States. I am really pleased to see his work is flourishing there and I want to share a couple of his recent films on two important concepts for mediators, coaches, and others. Curiosity and Non-Judgment.

The first features Seth Godin and the second David Roche. I think they are beautiful and moving films. What do you think?

Thanks Nic, for inspiring me to write again!

CURIOSITY from Nic Askew on Vimeo.

THE SECOND GLANCE from Nic Askew on Vimeo.

One of my favourite themes is the connection between art and mediation. It is the artist that works to convey so much in a short space of time or ‘canvas’ and as mediators, we work hard to achieve the same.

This came via a recommendation of someone to follow on Twitter and my curiosity to see what they were saying. Hodge Allen Jones recently held an exhibition of paintings by Jo Gilbert. This is a video of the artist ‘painting peace’. Lovely. Hope you agree.