I found this terrific interview by Katie Couric of CBS News with Ellen Galinsky on a new book about life skills for children called Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs. Happily, the ability to resolve conflict is included (you will find the reference at about 32 minutes). It also echoes my own research into the skills of a mediator which place competence in the skills Galinsky talks about at the top of the list.

The book has been called “the best thing since Emotional Intelligence”. In the book, Galinsky identifies 7 life skills:

1. Focus and Self Control – pay attention and the ability to inhibit the desire to go on automatic.
2. Perspective Taking – knowing what others think, feel. Empathy is part of that but Ellen goes further to include the Theory of Mind (understanding what is going on in other people’s minds).
3. Communicating – the ability to put aside your own thoughts in order to understand the other, knowing how your words will be heard and know how to frame your own words so that you will be understood.
4. Making Connections – the ability to see the connections and the ability to make unusual connections which is the basis of creativity
5. Critical Thinking – looking for valid and accurate information – how to challenge and discern what is right and useful.
6. Taking on Challenges – resilience, risk taking, having a growth mindset, not giving up when that would be the easy thing to so.
7. Self Directed, Engaged Learning – curiosity, “I don’t know everything” mindset, I am not the expert, humility.

The things that stand out for me in making my own connections from this interview to my work as a mediator is that I notice the lack of these skills in my work and it is increasingly common with younger people. This suggests a change in the education system which may have something to do with the narrow focus of education to achieve higher levels of literacy and numeracy and the emphasis on measuring those to meet political agendas. The laudable intention seems to have had unintended consequences.

Despite all the books and courses on communicating skills, mindfulness, collaboration, my experience is that they are expressed less often in practice. Most of all, I notice how difficult it is for people to be empathetic as they struggle with their conviction about their rights or for them to be curious or to make unusual connections unless they are coached and encouraged to do so. I also agree with Galinsky when she says in the interview that it is never too late to learn these skills. They are essential skills not just for life but for dealing with the challenges that face us from the workplace to our relationships with other countries.

So to my mind whether we are mediator, lawyer, manager or employee we all need to

1. Show up and pay attention.
2. Put aside your own thoughts in order to understand the other and make a habit of seeing other perspectives.
3. Be humble and curious because whenever we start to think that we know best, or there is nothing to learn, we fail to inhibit the desire to ‘go on automatic’.
4. Practice giving praise and encouragement but not about the people themselves but rather on the approaches and strategies they use.

I think giving praise and encouragement to “grown ups’ is one of the most difficult things to do well without sounding patronising or inferring labels. Appreciation of effort and outcomes is a huge part of keeping people engaged and it requires real skill to do that.

Here’s the video.

Watch CBS News Videos Online
Ellen Galinsky, president and co-founder of the Families in Work Institute speaks to Katie Couric about her new book, “Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs.”

There are lots of “how to…” tips out there about how to manage information. For those of you who would like a clear and concise introduction on how to use the rss feed facility on blogs so that you don’t miss the really useful information, then I recommend that you check out my friend Tammy Lenski at Making Mediation Your Day Job for a great video tutorial.

Thanks Tammy for using my blog in your example.

I had a couple of calls this week from would-be mediators who wanted to know if I could help them decide whether they would be a good mediator or not. As I am working on a self-selection process at the moment, it is very much in my mind.

I believe that mediation should be open to anyone who has the inclination, tenacity and patience to apply themselves to developing the skills and self-awareness. I also believe that in the absence of a strong support network for newly trained mediators, it is essential that people have access to some guidance on whether they have a good chance of being a successful mediator. Good training is an investment and that is only the start. Most mediators should count on 3 – 4 year to build a practice.

Then someone sent a link to an amazing video of Danny MacAskill “doing his stuff”. As I watched it, I was asking myself, “how would anyone know that that guy was going to be that good at that? Not just good but masterful. The answer that came into my head was “passion, commitment to practice, persistence and personal risk taking. They seem pretty much what you need to have if you are going to be a great mediator. See if you agree.

Don’t miss essential (mediator) skills such as

• back-pedaling (!)
• bridging the gap
• holding steady
• momentum
• treading a fine line

For me, this is also a wonderful metaphor for what it feels like when you know you are on your game.

Watch it alone and turn up the volume because the music is really great.

Great camera work and equally great editing.

Thanks to Valeria Maltoni at Conversation Agent for spotting it.

I came across this and loved it. It is a very clever animation with great music so make sure you have your speakers on.

Credits:www.humanrightsactioncenter.org

Created by Seth Brau

Produced by Amy Poncher

Music by Rumspringa courtesy Cantora Records 

Personnel Today – Rise in workplace conflict set to cost businesses billions

A recent report Fight, flight or face it published jointly by OPP and the Chartered Institute of Personnel Development surveyed thousands of employees in nine countries across three continents, in businesses of all sizes and in all sectors. A second survey revealed the opinions of 660 HR professionals in the UK, allowing for a balanced employee/employer view on conflict.

The research  found:

54% of employees want managers to address underlying tensions before they escalate into conflict.
58% of employees who have had relevant training now look for win-win outcomes from a workplace conflict.
In countries where such training is more prevalent, positive outcomes from conflict are far more common.
27% of employees have seen disagreements involving personal attacks or insults.
16% have actually seen conflicts lead to people being fired.

Recent article in Personnel Today about the anticipated rise in workplace disputes as a result of the downturn in the global economy. Video comment by me on why it is good to engage a mediator early in the process.