The 4th CIArb Mediator Symposium is coming up on 19th October in London. Past events have been extremely popular because of the combination of thoughtful opinion, a choice of 6 practical workshops and networking.

This year I will be doing two workshops which are really focused on extending skills.

The first is The Myth of Reality Testing with Charles Middleton-Smith. The arises from a number of observations: the way in which we simplify things in the pursuit of ‘tools for the toolbox’ and misconstrue the intention: increased resistance from parties to what we call reality testing and the observation that mediations are taking longer to settle and it is tempting for mediators to use what we call reality testing with some force. I realise this is a ‘holy cow’ of mediation!

The second is Improvisation Skills for Mediators with Sartaj Garewal. I have written often on the relationship of mediation to jazz, music, photography and the benefit of adopting some of the approaches that musicians and actors learn to extend their skills. I was very fortunate to learn some of these skills from a master of improvisation, the late Ken Campbell. Sartaj Garewal is a popular actor who has also worked with me on other mediation projects. Concurrently with his acting commitments, he offers coaching in presentation and performance skills.

Here are the descriptions and if you are interested in attending, you can see the full programme here and you can register online here.

The Myth of Reality Testing:

This workshop proposes that reality testing as a means of engaging the parties in a desire to settle the case is a myth and that the approaches generally practised by mediators in the name of reality testing can undermine successful outcomes. Drawing on insights from practical experience and research in the fields of behavioural science, neuroscience and psychology, we explore the relevance of mediator skill and experience, commercial, economic and political contexts and how and why the pursuit of tools for the toolbox and techniques to be deployed has reduced reality testing to something which is increasingly counter-productive.

The workshop examines the proposition through examples and discussion. Participants will have the opportunity to complete exercises to develop their personal style for exploring assumptions and effective risk assessment.

Improvisation Skills for Mediators

Prepare, prepare, prepare! Have a plan, give the parties structure and always be at the ready to think of a new plan!

The only thing a mediator can be certain of is that the mediation day will be a day of uncertainty and surprises. Not all of them welcome.

The art of improvisation is extremely useful for mediators. It is the capacity to build on whatever is presented to you to keep momentum and maintain a safe environment. Looking “where you are going” and responding in the moment is the nature of improvisation. Leaning into uncertainty, managing your responses and maintaining equilibrium or ‘deliberate calm’ helps bring a feeling of comfort to the parties. That capacity is also the mark of an experienced mediator.

This workshop is predominantly ‘hands on’ to help you improve your skills and confidence: skills you can use tomorrow.

Amanda and Sartaj will reprise active listening, reframing and rapport building skills. The workshop offers you an opportunity to recalibrate and expand your understanding and effective practice of those skills, in the moment.

Disappearing Bust of Voltaire by Salvador Dali 1941 - may need to squint to see the ambiguity

Apparently, God did indeed bless the Irish not least with a love of ambiguity which is seen as key to future innovation, according to a recently published research on siliconrepublic.com. Hat tip to @3keyscoach for the link via Twitter this week.

Results from a sample of 117 Irish executives and entrepreneurs indicated a substantial bias towards right-brained cognition when compared with international norms.

Right-brained thinking, towards which the sample showed a preference, includes attributes such as intuition, the ability to make seemingly unrelated connections and tolerance of ambiguity. Ambiguity and the ability to hold incongruent ideas without stress is regarded as inherent to entrepreneurial activity because start-up businesses are often original, innovative ideas that require people who can think laterally and see the bigger picture.

These attributes also appeared frequently in my research into the profile of an effective mediator.

It also reminds me of a story from my very early career. I had just left university and was working in my family’s business. I was given the “deadly” job of credit control. There was a large amount outstanding from a household name and no one had been able to get to the bottom of it and so I saw this as a way to impress my father who was decidedly difficult to impress.

I did hours of research and number crunching and finally, I found where the error was. Rather pleased, I rang the accounts department of said household name company which was in Ireland. I went through the steps with the accounts lady that I had carefully prepared and which I thought would lead her to the same realization. And then they would send me a cheque.

It took about 20 minutes and at the end she said to me in a very calm and sincere tone

Is this money we owe you or money you owe us?

That was not quite the end of the conversation but very nearly. I was floored. When I told my father he simply roared with laughter and retold the story many times. So I guess I got to impress him if not in the way I had intended! I thought that I had not explained myself very well but perhaps it was the Irish love of ambiguity.

For more on entrepreneurship, innovation and creative business skills, check out the Mediation Business Summit

Wanting to have the toffee AND keep the penny

A recent article in The Daily Breeze (Ca. USA) brought to light the extraordinary story of a mediator who had to think for a very long time before she realised that she should recuse herself from a mediation which involved a party who had made contributions to her political fund. Of course press reports should be viewed with a certain amount of circumspection as they rarely present the whole story.

However, I was interested to read further comment in another local Californian newspaper Press-Telegram, Long Beach, CA which points out the risks of hesitating on this kind of matter. A conflict of interests is a conflict of interests only if it is perceived as one. It is not a conflict of facts…

As mediators, our currency is perception. The perception of trustworthiness and the perception of experience amongst other things. So to mess with any kind of perception is to mess with the only things we have of value. They are intangible value: real, rare and fragile all at the same time. Just like anything of worth having.

This article first appeared in a free magazine called Boss Bishop (Oct 09) produced in London by a commercial property agent specialising in restaurants and cafes. The magazine is designed to be something you read over coffee in one of the many cafes and restaurants around London and the content provokes thought and curiosity. It has poetry, jokes, illustrations and very short articles on interesting people and places. It is produced by a wonderful lady called Giny Spivak. In a world which is increasingly electronic, it is so good to find something in print which you want to hold because it is beautiful, and you want to read from cover to cover.

I came across the first edition and I had to hunt high and low to find this person who had conceived such a lovely magazine. Eventually I found her and told her how much I had enjoyed it. She asked me what I did and I told her. She had never heard of mediation before and this was how I described it.

Mediation is commonly associated with the legal process, yet it is a “human” process designed to resolve conflict which has become a dispute.

Far from negative, conflict is part of human nature, and it is the fuel for creativity and innovation. The feelings we have about a dispute come from personal interpretation, and a very particular way of perceiving “the experience”: our own way.

If we could accept that everyone’s beliefs and actions are in fact reasonable to them, then we are half way there. If we can go one step further and take the risk in allowing others to tell how and why they feel that way, then we might just learn something that will point us to another view. Just by listening.

It is human nature to state our position. We want our side of the story to be heard in order to feel validated. Often, that is all we need. Until something changes, there can be no resolution.

Change brings conflict and change is what resolves it. Change is inevitable and most of the time it will come about unannounced, unexpectedly. Other times, we can sense its approach, smoke signaling the end of a commitment, the arrival of an overdue finale.

We tend to ignore the signs in the hope that we are mistaken. Eventually, our disappointment overshadows the memories we had of all the good feelings we felt when we first engaged and committed to a contract or relationship. They are forgotten and replaced by new, less comfortable feelings of anger, fear and mistrust. If those feelings remain unacknowledged, eventually all becomes an unremitting cycle of complexity and confusion which we try to rationalise and in doing so we make it fit our feelings. It is simple: there is no conflict without emotion and emotions are complex.

One way to cease further pain and confusion is to hand the decision to a judge. That will be an imposed decision. In mediation, however, negotiation includes both parties telling their stories. Each party having the opportunity to be heard, to express their valid and personal view. By narrating their experience, creativity flows and anger, fear and mistrust are replaced with acceptance and willingness towards finding an agreement. Both parties need help to complete the process. All need to commit to the process.  As a mediator my job is to guide people towards agreement. The outcome is that both parties can win and sometimes the greatest prize is dignity.

I am the third party. The conduit for understanding that brings acceptance and ignites the reason to try and agree.

At its best mediation is an opportunity to be entirely human, productive and efficient through innate creativity. After all, creativity is the best of human nature

This evening I joined Tammy Lenski, Diane Levin and Jeff Thompson in the second of our Cafe Mediate conversations. We had a lively and fun debate round “what makes a great mediator?”

Thanks to all for some great insights and raising some interesting questions.You can find more of their thinking and ideas on their blogs.

For some further thoughts and perspectives on what makes a great mediator, I recommend IBA Survey Results posted at The Mediator Magazine penned by journalist Matt Rushton and my own research available from the archives on this blog Part 1 and Part 2.

I hope you enjoy the podcast. It lasts about 30 minutes. You will also find our first conversation Value-Based Billing which looks at how we might reconfigure the way we charge for mediation to reflect more closely and more clearly the value that mediation brings.