In the desire to ‘commercialise’ mediation, I feel we are at risk of cutting out the very things that make mediation work. I hear about mediators who have dispensed with the opening meeting and those who think it is always just about money. Sometimes they tell me that this is what the clients want (and which clients are they talking about, I wonder).

I heard a story recently from a very experienced mediator: On arriving at the mediation venue and greeting the barrister for one of the parties, he was presented with a precisely timed agenda right down to the moment when the settlement would be reached. Thankfully, he took no notice!

So as a reminder why people need time to tell their stories, and that mediators, parties and their lawyers need to remember why it is important, here is a wonderful and favourite poem:

Salamander from The Story of Alchemy and the Beginnings of Chemistry

A story is like water
that you heat for your bath.

It takes messages between the fire
and your skin, It lets them meet,
and it cleans you!

Very few can sit down
in the middle of the fire itself
like a salamander or Abraham.
We need intermediaries.

Jalāl ad-din Rumi (1207 – 1273)

I tested the recipe on a friend who challenged me to make a hot chocolate she would like!

The only link with mediation I can think of for this one is “preparation”!

This recipe takes a little time and the right ingredients. For anyone with a cold, the chili and cinnamon will help you feel better!

• Measure out a cup of organic milk. Pour into a small sauce pan.

• Add a bay leaf, 10 black pepper corns slightly crushed/bruised, half a fresh chili, half a cinnamon stick and a few drops of real vanilla essence.

• Bring to the boil and turn off the heat. Leave for an hour to cool. Strain. Put milk back into pan.

• Add 75g of really good quality dark chocolate and allow to melt. Using a small whisk, blend well. Heat to just below boiling – do not allow to boil. If it is not like thick cream add more chocolate.

• Pour into small cup (there should be enough for at least two) or one big cup if you are not in sharing mode.

• Sit somewhere where you will not be disturbed. Sip slowly and wait for the grin to appear. Notice that the gentle heat from the chili builds slowly with each sip.

• DO NOT get on the scales for at least a week afterwards.

I have been reading the interesting and diverse posts about the issues of training, education and ‘credentialing’ which represent the passion and commitment of my colleagues across the globe to a credible profession of mediators. I have remembered a paper I presented in October 2007 for the Quarterly Lecture at the invitation of the Chartered Institute of Arbitrators. I spoke about the mediation profession coming of age and what it might look like and I think that it may be even more relevant now with the passage of time. The full text is available here.

The introduction was a story about a child called Mediation…

Here is the story of a child called Mediation

Mediation was adopted and he was much wanted. His parents naturally dreamed that he would grow up to make a difference, be successful and happy and make lots of money. And they worried that his brightness would have to survive the rigors of the ‘real world’ and they knew they would protect him on that journey. They also worried quietly that they did not know his heritage and that he would always be an unknown quantity.

At two years old this child was showing real promise. He was very advanced for his age: chatting and full of curiosity, pulling at the hem of its mother’s skirt saying ‘notice me, notice me, I’m different!’ People were charmed but they didn’t pay too much attention.

My world shines with possibilities Photo ©Dimitris Papazimouris

At primary school, he outperformed all the other children. Occasionally the teachers made encouraging noises but most of the time they worried that this child was trying to be too different. “Mediation is doing very well but he needs to be more focused.” “Mediation needs to concentrate more and follow the class.” “He gets there in the end and frequently surprises us but we are concerned…”
Put another way, the establishment was getting rather perplexed by the fact that Mediation simply didn’t do what was expected but was performing quite brilliantly. And his generally happy and energetic demeanor was quite frankly irritating.

At 12 Mediation was quite precocious and very independent. His parents worried endlessly about bad influences and bad behaviour. They knew they would lose their influence one day but they were not quite prepared for it to be now. They hoped and prayed it was just a phase.

Sure enough Mediation came home with bad habits and some very distorted thinking. For example, he found all sorts of things interesting which had no basis in fact. He was also very adaptive; you could see him transform his way of being to suit whatever he was doing and whomever he was with. Sometimes he appeared quite inconsistent. It was hard to get a handle on his personality and some found that difficult to deal with. His older brother was so much more stable and predictable although rather less engaging and certainly less happy.

At 16 Mediation wanted to do psychology, philosophy, anthropology and physiology at A Level. Good Grief! What was he going to do with all those soft subjects? There were big arguments at home!  “What about medicine, law? Or if you must engineering?” “Get something solid behind you… You can do all that other stuff later on.” Mediation compromised. He did English instead of anthropology.

At 18 Mediation was very keen to take a course at a middle ranking university. His grades would have secured him a place at Oxford or Cambridge. His parents were horrified that he should turn down a place at Oxford. Mediation’s elder brother was doing Law at UCL. A brilliant student and destined for great things.

And here we have the crossroads. And the conflict.

This is where I think we are in defining our profession. The crossroads is about – should it look like the established professions or should it be something new. Until now we have been borrowing from established professions and principally the legal profession. There have been benefits and disadvantages to that phenomenon. Until now I don’t think it has mattered but I think it will matter more for the future  as we come to understand better what it is that makes mediation work and what makes mediators proficient.

To explore further I need to spend a little time talking about what makes a profession. Download full text to read more

We all know how stressful mediations can be for the parties and their lawyers and there is always something of a dip around 4pm. Here is my “technique” for shifting the mood and most of all acknowledging that there is a dip in energy and optimism.

I carry a bunch of these amazing chocolate bars from New Zealand. The chocolate is delicious and the humour is welcome.

The instructions on the Emergency Chocolate read: For immediate relief of: chocolate cravings, lovesickness, exam pressure, mild anxiety and extreme hunger. Directions for use: Tear open wrapper, break off desired dosage and consume. Alternatively massage into the affected area. Repeat dosage as required until finished. If symptoms persist consult your local confectioner.

Marvelous for mediators too!

I had a couple of calls this week from would-be mediators who wanted to know if I could help them decide whether they would be a good mediator or not. As I am working on a self-selection process at the moment, it is very much in my mind.

I believe that mediation should be open to anyone who has the inclination, tenacity and patience to apply themselves to developing the skills and self-awareness. I also believe that in the absence of a strong support network for newly trained mediators, it is essential that people have access to some guidance on whether they have a good chance of being a successful mediator. Good training is an investment and that is only the start. Most mediators should count on 3 – 4 year to build a practice.

Then someone sent a link to an amazing video of Danny MacAskill “doing his stuff”. As I watched it, I was asking myself, “how would anyone know that that guy was going to be that good at that? Not just good but masterful. The answer that came into my head was “passion, commitment to practice, persistence and personal risk taking. They seem pretty much what you need to have if you are going to be a great mediator. See if you agree.

Don’t miss essential (mediator) skills such as

• back-pedaling (!)
• bridging the gap
• holding steady
• momentum
• treading a fine line

For me, this is also a wonderful metaphor for what it feels like when you know you are on your game.

Watch it alone and turn up the volume because the music is really great.

Great camera work and equally great editing.

Thanks to Valeria Maltoni at Conversation Agent for spotting it.