Healing from the heart

On Thursday evening I attended a presentation by two extraordinary people from Sierra Leone. Paramount Chief Alfred Banya who is the Chair of Fambul Tok’s Moyamba District Executive Committee and his sister, Micheala Ashwood who is the National Coordinator of Fambul Tok’s growing network of peace mothers’ groups.

They told a remarkable story about how the slow process of rebuilding fractured communities after the civil war is being supported by the simple act of storytelling around a bonfire. ‘Holding the space so people can talk.”

Of course, it is not a process that guarantees success, but successful it is by any measure.

It reminded me how important it is for all human beings to have the chance to tell their story of how the dispute has affected them. In a moving video presentation, people maimed and bereft of family and friends as a result of the atrocities carried out by their neighbours and family members were able to forgive, if not forget. Storytelling can achieve that kind of reconciliation and there is a place for it in all disputes and conflict.

We shouldn’t lose sight of this and make the mediation process so focussed on money, legal merits or outcome that we forget the deeply human need to share stories of disappointment, betrayal, lost hope and humiliation with our fellow human beings, especially with those we feel need to know.

The 4th CIArb Mediator Symposium is coming up on 19th October in London. Past events have been extremely popular because of the combination of thoughtful opinion, a choice of 6 practical workshops and networking.

This year I will be doing two workshops which are really focused on extending skills.

The first is The Myth of Reality Testing with Charles Middleton-Smith. The arises from a number of observations: the way in which we simplify things in the pursuit of ‘tools for the toolbox’ and misconstrue the intention: increased resistance from parties to what we call reality testing and the observation that mediations are taking longer to settle and it is tempting for mediators to use what we call reality testing with some force. I realise this is a ‘holy cow’ of mediation!

The second is Improvisation Skills for Mediators with Sartaj Garewal. I have written often on the relationship of mediation to jazz, music, photography and the benefit of adopting some of the approaches that musicians and actors learn to extend their skills. I was very fortunate to learn some of these skills from a master of improvisation, the late Ken Campbell. Sartaj Garewal is a popular actor who has also worked with me on other mediation projects. Concurrently with his acting commitments, he offers coaching in presentation and performance skills.

Here are the descriptions and if you are interested in attending, you can see the full programme here and you can register online here.

The Myth of Reality Testing:

This workshop proposes that reality testing as a means of engaging the parties in a desire to settle the case is a myth and that the approaches generally practised by mediators in the name of reality testing can undermine successful outcomes. Drawing on insights from practical experience and research in the fields of behavioural science, neuroscience and psychology, we explore the relevance of mediator skill and experience, commercial, economic and political contexts and how and why the pursuit of tools for the toolbox and techniques to be deployed has reduced reality testing to something which is increasingly counter-productive.

The workshop examines the proposition through examples and discussion. Participants will have the opportunity to complete exercises to develop their personal style for exploring assumptions and effective risk assessment.

Improvisation Skills for Mediators

Prepare, prepare, prepare! Have a plan, give the parties structure and always be at the ready to think of a new plan!

The only thing a mediator can be certain of is that the mediation day will be a day of uncertainty and surprises. Not all of them welcome.

The art of improvisation is extremely useful for mediators. It is the capacity to build on whatever is presented to you to keep momentum and maintain a safe environment. Looking “where you are going” and responding in the moment is the nature of improvisation. Leaning into uncertainty, managing your responses and maintaining equilibrium or ‘deliberate calm’ helps bring a feeling of comfort to the parties. That capacity is also the mark of an experienced mediator.

This workshop is predominantly ‘hands on’ to help you improve your skills and confidence: skills you can use tomorrow.

Amanda and Sartaj will reprise active listening, reframing and rapport building skills. The workshop offers you an opportunity to recalibrate and expand your understanding and effective practice of those skills, in the moment.

Twitter is great for getting a wide selection of information on many topics from all over the world. If I don’t have time to read the articles, I send a DM to my Evernote account so I can catch up later. Here are a few items which really caught my eye and are worth sharing.

Small business, entrepreneur advice:
Six Dimensions that Characterize Small Business Owners. Possessing many or most of these factor may predict success in establishing, maintaining and growing small enterprise. Read the report here

Collaborative

Self-fulfilled

Future-focused

Curious

Tech-savvy

Action oriented

It won’t be long before conflict resolution skills are on the list! They are already on mine, of course.
The article came to me via @iamlucid and @triveraguy and is featured on http://www.inc.com

Interesting business books
The Shibumi Strategy by Matthew May is a new book I have on my list for reading over the holiday period. I discovered it through an interview with the author on Carol Roth’s website. Carol is a great resource for spot on business advice and has a great eye. Her own book is due out next year and is now on pre-order. The forward is written by our Mediation Summit Keynote Speaker, Michael Port. Don’t miss it

Danger + Opportunity

And it’s the setbacks, really, that harbor the power to transform our lives. The economy seemed the perfect crisis around which to weave a story, based in reality.  The word

for crisis in Japanese has two sets of characters: one for danger, and one for opportunity. A sudden, unexpected crisis is an opportunity, and if we view it that way, which admittedly is not easy when you’re simply trying to survive, like Andy is, but it can lead us in new directions,new  directions we perhaps should have taken anyway.

Eastern philosophy has interested me for over 30 years and influenced my work and life. I love Chinese and Japanese characters (as you can probably tell from the illustrations on this blog). I was introduced to the structure and meaning of the Japanese characters for crisis by Julian Gresser in the mid nineties and the illustration already appears on this web site. I am also fascinated by the tension of paradox in the work I do as a mediator. Looks like an interesting book.

Brainstorming: “Yes, and” Like an Improviser: Guest post by Liz Caradonna, an associate at Zócalo Group and a life… http://bit.ly/b2yPB7
This is a great post for conflict resolution skills. On of the most effective and successful shifts that participants make when they are doing their foundation mediation skills training is the one where they replace BUT with AND. It has incredible power for conveying understanding.

In improv, “yes, and” is shorthand for the state of being completely open, accepting and uncritical toward the contributions of your scene partner. So accepting, in fact, that you’re able to embrace and extend your partner’s ideas as if they were your own. Someone on stage just called you “Grandpa”? Accept and further that. Yes, you are their Grandpa. And… perhaps Grandpa has some riveting stories to share from his time serving overseas. Read more

In September I am co-hosting the Mediation Business Summit with Tammy Lenski . We are really looking forward to it. We have some great small business coaches and consultants lined up to help conflict resolution professionals take their business to the next level.

I'm not very technical...

Since we announced the telesummit we have had a lot of questions about how it will work over the three days and some questions about using the teleseminar format. So we have decided to run a free demo and Q&A session on Wednesday 4th August where you can try it out and ask questions about the event.

Tammy and I think it will be a great opportunity to connect with anyone attending and anyone thinking about attending.

So head over to the Mediation Business Summit site to register for the free teleseminar.

Denise Wakeman speaker at the Mediation Business Summit

If you search for “how to build a business blog” then the very first site listed on Google.com is www.buildabetterblog.com a blog hosted by Denise Wakeman. I’m not surprised because Denise has been practising what she preaches for a very long time. In fact, Denise has (at least) three blogs: Biz Tips Blog , Build a Better Blog and Denise Wakeman – The Blog Squad . Each has a different focus and each is crammed with useful content which can be easily assimilated and implemented by the newcomer and the experienced blogger alike.

I am in awe of how frequently and consistently Denise posts savvy and engaging ideas about building your online presence through blogging and how to build your blog through integration with Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter. When you read what she writes on any of these platforms, you soon get a sense of her energy, credibility and her personality.

I am sure these are qualities that every mediator and ADR professional would like to be known for, online and offline. Denise says that blogging is the one way you can present a public persona that is ‘congruent and authentic’ and then she tells you how to do that.

Dig a little deeper into Denise’s online presence and you will find a great ebook produced by the Personality Project called Women of Personality. A Compilation of 40 Extraordinary Women Sharing Their Stories of Success. It is now in its second edition and Denise is featured as one of the 40 extraordinary women. In the book, Denise talks about how she is naturally a ‘behind the scenes person’ and that until she started her own business, that was the way she liked it. I remembered how ‘behind the scenes’ I liked to be when I started out in my own business, and like Denise, I instinctively jumped on the internet when there were not so many people to talk to, very few had an email address and all we had was a shaky 56k modem. Like her, I just knew this internet thing was a place I wanted to be.

Looking back, I started blogging via telex in 1984, with a weekly newsletter and analysis about my industry and it allowed me to “get in front of” influential people in my organisation without the scary part. Looking back, it worked and probably because I thought it was only being read by a few people that I knew very well. I had no idea that people were distributing it much more widely and if I had I probably would have clammed up! Just occasionally, ignorance is bliss.

Today it’s different. The ‘noise’ out there is much greater and for some starting out or looking to take their business to the next level it can be overwhelming. So much so, some people just don’t know where to start. One of the challenges is personal marketing and branding.

In starting her own business Denise realised that

Being the sole person in my business put me in a new position. I had to be “out there”. And the internet helped me do that. I wasn’t shy online.

I think many of us feel shy about marketing ourselves. It is so much easier to do it for others! Marketing is the number one challenge I talk about with people who contact me wanting to know how I managed to build my practice. The good news is that the social media tools that we have today allow you to do both: market yourself and market others.

It is one thing to read what people write and to get a sense of their expertise and the effectiveness of their advice and experience. It is even better to hear them for yourself. That’s why Tammy Lenski and I have brought together our choice of the best and most relevant  business management, marketing and social media voices from inside and outside the dispute resolution world. This is our selection of people who have impressed us with their energy, credibility and personality and who know how to communicate their expertise in a way which is relevant for building a successful conflict resolution practice.

The Mediation Business Summit is accessible via web and telephone from 16 – 18 September 2010.

If you haven’t signed up yet, then you are missing out on some great free gifts to get you started. There are two from Denise: an audio chapter from her renowned programme: How Drive Quality Traffic to Your Blog ($97 value) and a bonus chapter with 19 specific tactics for driving traffic to your blog. These will be available to you as soon as you have completed the sign up process. And you can grab your badge too.

See you at the summit!

Mediation Business Summit 16 - 18 September 2010